In our society
currently there is much talk around the idea of awakening the
Divine feminine and bringing it into a more powerful position.
Yet, you can’t really speak meaningfully of the feminine apart
from the masculine. They cannot continue to be looked at as if
they are separate and apart from each other and therefore
addressable as such. This is the error that we have made over
the last 2,000 years that has brought us to the brink of
self-destruction through violence, constant power struggles for
control and unfathomable greed. Though the emphasis needs to
shift in order to change what is being expressed at the world
level, if we simply repeat the same error and swing the pendulum
to the opposite pole, we will just create a different form of
problem born out of a new form of disharmony as imbalance.
At the
fundamental level of energy as qualities that produce behavioral
themes that govern how humanity as a whole expresses, the
masculine and feminine play-off of each other, cause and allow
each other, and do not exist as independent of each other. All
of life exists in a polar state of duality known as
electromagnet. Vibration is only possible through movement
between opposite poles of the same thing. The basis of life is
ultimately triune in nature, the One exists as dual. The birth
of humanity is from the womb of the Mother while lovingly
embraced by the Father.
From the
perspective of physics and metaphysics the masculine stimulates
the feminine and the feminine stimulates the masculine. Action
is guided through gentleness. Doing (masculine) is the
expression of Being (feminine). The outer is a direct reflection
of the inner. How we are being determines what we do, or how we
act in the world as a natural expression. The inner (feminine)
is analogous (of the same nature) to the outer (masculine). We
need to bring them back into a unified state that is harmonious,
interactively balanced and whole in nature. In order to do this
the masculine needs to be rebirthed through the feminine into
its virtuous state. All transformation takes place at the inner
level of cause. The masculine needs to be untrained and
retrained to a new identity that will serve to stimulate the
feminine into full expression.
All consciousness
is dual as an interactive play of vibration as movement between
expanded poles that creates a vibratory frequency as a singular
expression of the same quality or essence. The feminine is
holistic, inclusive, group/family oriented and so works not by
singling out ideas or aspects of the whole, but by synthesizing
them and bringing them back into a harmonious flow of ultimate
perfection. The feminine desires health and well-being for all
involved, which is only possible through the protection and
resources provided by the masculine. The masculine creates the
safe space and provides the necessary resources so that the
feminine can give birth and nurture her creations into healthy
and happy expressions of love, beauty and joyfulness. The
masculine is designed to serve the feminine; the feminine serves
the world and all of humanity by nurturing and caring for all
her offspring with equal love and care.
To birth or
reawaken the feminine is to birth and reawaken the masculine at
the same time, through the same act. They have to be retrained
to their virtuous state of the Divine marriage. The qualities,
characteristics and roles played by both needs to be redefined
as the same expression, not as separate ideas that exist apart
from each other. The world has lived in division up to this
point and we are on the verge of self-annihilation as a direct
result. We are ruthlessly and unconsciously taking and consuming
while never giving back or serving to care for.
Let’s bring it
back into balance by creating a brand new model that redefines
all of humanity in its exalted state of Divine perfection as
god-like and virtuous. Part of the Alchemy process after
dissolution and purification, is the chemical marriage,
symbolized by bringing new emphasis to the current formula
allowing it to express in a new and more proficient way. We
don’t want to exclude the male from the process, but rather
redefine the roles that both play in the grand evolution that is
currently taking place at a global level that will ultimately
heal the Earth and rebirth the whole of humanity as a unified
race that nurtures and sustains all people equally.
The Divine
Feminine when brought into Healing Practices does not seek to
diagnose through creating a differential that isolates,
calculates symptoms as an equation and then treats and medicates
as an isolated problem. The Feminine quality seeks to restore
balance by finding common denominators in looking at the
person’s lifestyle, relationships, beliefs, attitudes, and what
type of things they are dealing with, etc. It connects
intuitively by seeing areas of a person life as interactive and
influencing each other. The typical Allopathic, masculine model
treats the effect or symptom, without necessarily identifying
the cause and therefore engages in managing symptoms, usually
through drugs or surgery and never actually creates an
experience through which healing takes place. The Masculine
looks to find the problem as the effect and solve, fix or
eliminate it. The feminine looks to find the cause that’s
initiating it bring it back into balance knowing that will
change the effect.
The Feminine,
holistic approach, seeks to find the cause and introduce
lifestyle changes that will restore the system to a balanced and
harmonious state through natural means that can be maintained on
their own. Holistic pharmacy is the garden, herbs, affection,
beauty that’s sensuously stimulating, sound as music,
cultivating loving relationships, massage, aromatherapy, etc. It
heals by teaching, introducing change, practicing new ways of
being and doing, and by cultivating new habits that produce
desired effects. It heals through nurturing, comforting and by
expressing compassion.
The Feminine,
holistic approach has birthed holistic medicine as well as what
is currently called Energy Medicine. Energy Medicine is
complementary to the Eastern Medicine of Yoga and Auryaveda, as
well Shamanic Medicine and works through a base knowledge of the
body’s energy system in terms of a hierarchy of
interrelationship as the invisible spiritual aspects of the soul
being the determining factor of the body. The body is the
creation,manifestation or effect of the Astral body as the Soul.
We can recognize unknown aspects by their relationship to known
aspects, much like Algebra. This requires very well developed
intuitive abilities, not in psychic terms, but in the ability to
practice the Law of Analogy and Correspondence that allows
Intuitive Knowledge of Energy systems as the Universal
Principles that determine how systems behave or operate. It
bridges Art with Science as a holistic practice. This requires
not only a great deal of education as scientific knowledge, but
also the skill at performing it. Art (feminine) is taking the
science (masculine) and using it to create by interpretation
which is the application of Knowledge to specific circumstances
to see a variation as a personal reality.
The Masculine
takes a fixed process and applies it across the board. The same
process is used to diagnose and treat everyone. The Feminine,
takes Principles and applies them to the individual and their
exact circumstances to produce constant variety in which the
treatment is uniquely designed to meet the individuals needs.
Every treatment is different, based on practical application of
the Universal to the individual.
So to bring the
Feminine back into power in terms of orientation and learning
how to work out of a holistic model, we must change the very
foundation out of which all of our processes flow. One of the
first things we need to recognize, is that while the Masculine
model tends to work through elimination, by eliminating the
Feminine aspect, the Feminine, being whole in nature and
stemming out of the Masculine, keeps the Masculine intact as a
crucial part of the holistic process. It does not operate by
eliminating the masculine and going into an extreme expression
of the Feminine, but rather through inclusion as an operation
based on relationship as interactive and balanced. And always
keep in mind, that when we talk about “Masculine and Feminine”,
we are not talking about gender, we are talking about qualities
that we all have within us as potential resources that can be
brought into expression and developed into proficiency.
The foundation
has to be correct in order to produce a congruent process of
unity and harmony. We cannot apply the Feminine through the
model of the Masculine. We have to evolve our basic mind-set in
order to see bigger realities where new possibilities naturally
become apparent. If we continue to operate out of old, popular
models, we’ll keep producing the same type of effects. The new
age is not about the same thing the old age was built on. It’s
not about separating, fragmenting, analyzing and changing the
nature of your work in order to “market it”. It’s about looking
at things from their natural state as an ecology, synthesized
and interdependent, and understanding how they exist in
relationship to each other, and how to articulate and
communicate that in a way that can be understood and received
without compromising the integrity of your work by “dumbing it
down” into marketable terms. We are being called to become more
sophisticated in our ability to see more complex ideas as
actually being simpler because they are unified, and are so much
apart of our inherent nature that we can do them spontaneously
without much thought.
When we talk
about bringing the Feminine aspect back into power, as a main
quality of ourselves for changing our mind-set, we have to
realize that it requires more than just talk, and we can’t do it
by taking the same approach that we always have which is born
out of a masculine model. The Feminine is holistic, feeling
oriented and intuitive. This calls on us to create a whole new
way of looking at things, and developing new models and
processes for how we do things. We have to embody those
qualities to form new perceptions that direct our actions
allowing us to teach by demonstrating. We have to “Be” the
feminine aspect as a primary orientation that the masculine
serves by bringing it into action.
Example: The Masculine is
what creates a narrow focus, singular mind that breaks
everything apart and analyzes it in small pieces, then if not
bridged back with the feminine, will leave things in their
fragmented state and proceed to create a whole out of a single
aspect. From this we get the mentality of specializing, forming
a niche’, summing up what we do in one sentence so that it can
be marketed to others who live out of a limited mind-set also.
The mind always assumes it’s dealing with itself when it moves
out into society. The masculine, current model popularized, is
still being used to specialize in the “feminine power”, because
it fails to see that once again it’s attempting to approach the
idea of the feminine from the perspective of the masculine. What
we need to do, is create and move back into a “holistic model”
that does not take pride in dealing with life from a fragmented
state of expertise, but rather dealing with the whole person
from an intuitive perspective. It’s not about becoming a “this
or that” specialist and only dealing with that, but approaching
all of life from an interconnected basis as our foundation for
perceiving, and developing processes ideally suited for the
whole person and not just one area of their life. Any area of
our life, whether it be personal, relationships, health,
professional, spiritual, financial, etc., effects and directly
influences all other areas of our life. We have to train our
mind to move back into a unified state and build a foundation
from that perspective. You can’t build a holistic mind-set out
of a process designed to separate, embellish and create a whole
out of a part. When we take this approach, we are making an
error right from the get go. Everything else that comes out of
that model is a continuation of that same error.
Niche’s, as
single specialties don’t require much knowledge and therefore
work off of a basis of limitation. You can’t help somebody in
one area of their life without recognizing that it will produce
a series of corresponding consequences in all areas of their
life. To demonstrate the feminine aspect, we have to change our
entire mind-set and start developing holistic models that allow
us to “see” life, each other and nature as interconnected and
interdependent. We must move back into being holistic
practitioners.
My first
experience of performing what would be deemed a miracle, came as
a desperate response to a moment of incredible devastation that
pushed me past all limitation, not by endlessly engaging in the
limitations themselves in an attempt to process them and
overcome them, but by transcending them by losing all awareness
of the perception in which the limitations existed. Like
shifting into another space, nested within the same situation,
in which fear didn’t exist and wasn’t even a consideration. This
experience was an amazing lesson not only in helping me to see
my own capabilities and learn to build confidence by believing
in myself, but also revealing to me the shocking reality of how
people tend to show up in times when it matters the most.
What happens in
those moments when we find ourselves in situations that the eye
could not foresee often astounds us. I was abandoned by the
people who should have been there, and helped by other that I
barely knew. A true testament of giving up perceived control by
simply recognizing and allowing my inner guidance as intuition
that provided divine intervention, not through another but as an
act of my own will surrender to a higher intelligence. I engaged
in activity that I performed from a place of sheer knowing in
absolute trust that almost felt peculiar to me as I was doing
it. As if I was inhabited by a companion form of consciousness.
One that didn’t make a big deal out of stuff, but just silently
stepped in and went about its business from a removed state that
seemed intimately connected.
This is just one
part of amazing experiences that spanned 15 months, but open my
eyes to the real potential of the human spirit when acting from
a place of love, devotion, and surrender. It also served to
teach me the true nature of people in moments of great necessity
that went painfully unanswered.
My son was born
4lbs. 10oz., fully matured but with what I would discover
through relentless pursuit, as having Hirschsprung's disease. He
was hospitalized on Thanksgiving Day and underwent emergency
surgery that set into motion an amazing process of
self-discovery as a demonstration of human fortitude. After six
surgeries, two colostomies, and surgically implanted mainlines
due to vascular breakdown of all available IV sites, he peeked
out at 5 lbs. 7 oz. at a little over two months old, then began
a process of deteriorating. After losing weight and dropping
back down to 4lbs. 8oz. at a little over three months old, he
became lethargic hard to wake up, began dehydrating due to his
major organs systematically starting to shut down. They
diagnosed him with failure to thrive and removed all
life-support and estimating approximately 48 hours before he
would die. They gave me an option of leaving him in the hospital
and allowing it to happen there or to take them home in when it
happened to call them and they would take care of the
arrangements.
I cannot even
convey the level of grief I was experiencing that had began
building a few weeks prior to his diagnosis. I felt detached
from reality and had trouble comprehending what was going on and
struggled to perform normal tasks. The next morning as I
gathered him and all his things and walked out to the car, where
I had to drive us home. My husband announced to me a month into
it, that he couldn’t handle it and refused to come down to the
hospital. I was left on my own to figure out how to deal with
it. As I got to the car my legs were trembling and started
buckling. I had to sit on the asphalt and try to compose myself.
My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I couldn't catch my
breath, the ground was moving and I felt disoriented as those
everything was closing in on me. After a brief time of trying to
create a relaxed state so that I could drive the car I finally
got to my feet, and secured my son in his car seat next to me in
the front seat and began driving.
I stopped at a
red light and it was as if something snapped inside of me and
the whole world collapsed around me. I lost all awareness of
everything outside of the car and I suddenly became overwhelmed
with grief and started screaming as I was crying saying, “I
refuse to accept this! I refuse. I will not allow my baby to
die! He wants to live. He's going to live. I will not accept
this”. I repeated this hysterically while hitting on the
steering wheel and the dashboard. Then after mumbling for a bit
non-sensibly, I looked down at my son in the sunlight coming
through the window made his face and peer like an angel, softly
undistinguished and innocently sweet. I leaned down pressing my
face against his and rocking back and forth while mumbling and
sobbing, and suddenly I became extremely aware of his heartbeat.
As I listened to it beating it seemed to get louder and louder.
Strong and pronounced. Then a kind of silence fell around me,
and I felt a calm come over me and my thoughts became collected
and my heart relaxed into sync with his, and I suddenly knew
what I needed to do. It was a kind of knowing that felt like a
trance. Something I couldn't articulate with words but simply
knew it as a feeling inside. It was a presence in me that
removed all fear and possessed me with the kind of certainty
that was removed from doubt.
I then sat up and
began driving home calmly. When I got home I gathered my son
went into the house and place to quilt over the rocking chair. I
closed all the curtains, lit a couple of candles, got a glass of
water, removed my shirt and bra took all the clothes off my son
except his diaper and colostomy bag, and sat down. I laid him
across my bare breasts so he could hear my heart beat, smell my
skin, and be warmed by my body. I then started stroking his body
with loving affection, kissing his head and the side of his
face, and softly sang a lullaby as a kind of humming. Then as I
began rocking I ran pictures through my mind of him at six
months old, smiling and laughing, then at a year old learning to
walk having his first birthday while eating his cake with his
fingers, then at two years, playing in the park with the other
kids on the polka-dotted pony. I saw him at his second Christmas
where he was fascinated with the lights and was more intrigued
with the bows and the wrapping paper than he was with the
presents. I imagined him at two and three years old, healthy,
and strong as I became filled with overwhelming love for him as
I continued caressing him, kissing him and rocking him with
sweet lullabies.
At first he was
lethargic and unresponsive his body was cool and limp. After a
few hours he started moving his hands and feet as if getting
comfortable. After about six hours he sneezed and rubbed his
nose. Then he started moving as if waking up from a nap. After
about eight hours, he opened his eyes and gaze straight into
mine, then smiled and started acting irritable. As he began
squirming slightly trying to breast-feed I thought . . . he's
actually hungry! When I put them down to get his bottle he cried
until I picked him back up. He then drank 4 ounces of a special
formula, and later ate some mashed bananas. By the next day he
was fully active, eating, cooing, in playing in his crib.
The hospital
called me two days later because they couldn't figure out why
they hadn't heard from me. When I told his doctor that he had
made what seemed like a full recovery and was eating, drinking,
and playing, he was in disbelief and wanted me to bring him in
for a checkup. Upon examining him he said, “this doesn't make
any sense, this shouldn't be possible”. He was then struck by
the fact that he recovered without any side effects from what
appeared as deterioration of his major organs. He then began
questioning me on what I had done, how I had done it, and what
on earth possessed me to do it, and when I told him, he just got
a blank look on his face stared for a moment, and said “I guess
a mother's love is the ultimate healing force after all”, and
shook his head.
This would
instill confidence for what would come four months later on the
second go around to remove part of his intestines, which after
healing, they would close his colostomy, which they had
originally planned it for 14 to 16 months old as he needed to be
around 17 pounds to perform the operation. By the time he was
seven months old he weighed 16 1/2 pounds. In four months he had
gained 12 pounds. The doctor was just struck with amazement. He
laughed and said, “I don’t know what you’re feeding him, but
it’s certainly working!”
After a series of
surgeries the second time, they remove part of his intestines,
let that heal for a couple weeks and then closed his colostomy,
after which time he began falling into the same pattern. They
then came to me saying that he wasn't responding to treatment
and they needed to put him back on life support and implant IV
lines into his chest. But this time I elected to take him out of
the hospital without permission and bring him home to heal
instead in the same way I had done before. Again, it worked
beautifully and within hours he was awake, alert and eating. He
had his first bowel movement at 8 1/2 months old.
Through this
experience I learned what it means to love someone so much I was
willing to die for him. My life crumbled before my eyes, and I
lost everything I owned. In that moment I became very clear on
what really matters and what doesn’t. I learned that we can
access super-human strength when we actually need to. And I
touched on the strength of my moral fiber that served to
catapult me into greater and greater levels intuition,
self-knowledge and confidence that comes from believing in
myself and forming absolute faith based on that. I acquired the
confidence to stand up against all odds, and walk fully awake
into the flame without flinching or shrinking back with
intimidation.
So with that
experience, when I came into contact with the healing practice
of Reiki and Energy Medicine several years later, I immediately
saw the connection and chose to study it as a primary healing
modality that actually had a name.
My son was
born full term at 4 pounds 10 ounces, in the early morning of
November 8 after a two hour drive lying in the back seat of the
car, starring up at the night sky. I can still hear that
doctor’s voice say “we've got a preemie” as he laid his warm wet
body on my abdomen and I thought to myself “he's not a preemie,
why are they saying that?” But as I looked down at the small
trembling body, reddish and water-logged, his eyes were wide
open with a panicked look in them. I reached down, took his
small hand in mine, caressed his tiny fingers and he turned to
look at me. When our eyes met, we fell into a kind of trance
that seemed to sooth both of us. He stopped crying, became
motionless and just gazed at me. I was amazed as to how small he
was. I remember thinking he was the most beautiful thing I had
ever seen, it was love at first sight.
Then I
remember the commotion as they cleared his air-passages, wrapped
him in a blanket and rushed him off for tests and further
examination. As I laid there starring up at the ceiling, my mind
faded and subsided from sheer exhaustion, and slowly slipped
into the silence. I woke in the recovery room a few hours later,
and reflecting back on what I had just experienced, it all
seemed like a dream. I felt my body, aching and throbbing, which
now seemed empty and void somehow. I remember thinking “that
wasn’t so bad”, even though a short time earlier I had been in
excruciating pain while wondering if I would survive it, I now
laid momentarily longing to do it again. It was one of the most
painful, beautiful and profound experiences I had ever had. I
had to just lay there in the silence and take it all in. Attempt
to comprehend it within all the emotions I was feeling.
After a while
the doctor came in to inform me that despite his low birth
weight, he was actually well-developed and appeared quite
healthy. He said “we don’t normally allow babies under 5lbs. to
go home, but he seems perfectly healthy, so we are going to make
an exception.” I felt relieved and excited to go home with my
new little boy.
As we got home
and settled in, I was still recovering from birthing, and was
totally consumed with the experience of being a “Mom”. I began
noticing that he was having trouble breastfeeding. Though he
loved being at my breast, as he drank my milk he seemed
irritated and anxious somehow, he would pull off, cry and clench
my nipples with his little hands, then, relax and go back to
sucking. I then noticed that he didn’t seem to be having bowel
movements, and when he finally did, they were more like
squeezing toothpaste out of the tube. Concerned, I took him in
to see the doctor three days after he was home. This began a
nightmare that would last for over a year that would challenge
me in ways I never contemplated before.
At first I was
told that he was allergic to my breast milk, and he was put on
formula. Then it became about him being constipated, so we put
Karol syrup in the formula, then it was the wrong formula and we
began experimenting with different ones. Within the 15 days
following his birth I sought medical help and advice 18 times. I
gave up on the Pediatrician after 6 visits, and proceeded to
take him in to the emergency room of the local
hospital. After about the 4th ER visit, they began
talking to me about Post natal depression, paranoia, and
delusions. They started recommending “psychiatric” help and
anti-depressants, and would shake their head, and even made “new
mother” jokes and sarcastic remarks when they saw me coming.
Even my husband withdrew his support and began trying to talk me
into seeing a psychiatrist.
The whole time
this was happening I was going through a kind of mental anguish
and torment. I had a deep pervading feeling that something was
seriously wrong. I felt extremely aware of it, and it slowly
developed into a kind of inner anxiety that led to feelings of
panic. My mind would sense that something was wrong, and I would
notice what I thought were clear symptoms. I knew in my heart my
baby was struggling for his life and yet no one seemed to hear
my repeated cries for help.
On
Thanksgiving morning, after spending the night in the ER because
I could see his abdomen was not only swollen and extended, but
starting to turn a bluish color, only to be ridiculed and sent
back home, I finally got him to drink 4 oz. of formula at around
6am. He seemed peaceful and was finally resting. After holding
and rocking him for a couple of hours, feeling relieved, I began
preparing for Thanksgiving dinner, when 4 hours after eating, he
threw-up. I thought to myself, there is no way that formula
should still be in his stomach to throw-up. At this point I was
overwhelmed with a feeling of internal panicked. I could feel a
rushing sensation deep inside that had immediacy to it; it was
overwhelming me with the need to do something quick. My heart
began racing and I felt frantic. I knew that everyone thought I
was crazy, and I searched my heart trying to figure out what I
needed to do. I finally decided I was going to take him to a
different city, and to a different hospital to see if they could
help us.
I randomly
opened up the phone book, selected a hospital that stood out,
and called the ER, explaining my concerns. They told me to bring
him in, and they would take a look at him. When I announced to
my husband what I was going to do, he shook his head, sighed
with frustration and tried to talk me out of it. When I decided
to go alone, he reluctantly agreed to drive me down there, even
though he was sure of what he was going to hear. At this point
he was convinced that I was having problems.
When we
arrived and admitted him, they quickly examined him and handled
it as if it were an emergency. They rushed him away, and the
“wait” began. They emerged periodically to ask all kinds of
questions about my pregnancy, our family history, any traumas or
infant deaths, etc. By 2pm, they had diagnosed him with
Hirshsprungs Disease and I was being informed and advised as I
was signing an endless amount of paperwork necessary for
“emergency surgery”. They told me if I would have been 2 hours
later, he would have died from perforated intestines, which were
on the verge of “popping” when we arrived.
I was beside
myself, as everything began rushing through my mind and I was
overwhelmed with emotion, I felt as if I was caught in a
whirl-wind. I had trouble coordinating myself to think clearly
about everything that was happening. By 4:30pm, he was
undergoing a major surgery in a hurried attempt to save his
life. All I could think to myself was, “thank God I didn’t
listen to any of them, thank God I followed what I knew in my
heart to be true and real, and I believed in myself even though
I was being told I was crazy”. I felt overwhelmed with intense
feelings of gratitude, as I silently waited in the strange and
sterile surroundings of the waiting room, anticipating the
outcome. He had been given a 4% chance of surviving. Four
percent! All I could think of was the papers I signed that told
what type of death he would most likely experience, praying in
my heart for a miracle.
After 6 hours,
I felt a noticeable calmness and relaxation come over me, and
something told me, it was going to be okay. Ten minutes later
the surgeon walked into the room with a surprised smile on his
face and embraced me. He looked me in the eyes and with
excitement in his voice said . . . “he made it. He’s a little
trooper, made it with flying colors.” Hearing those words, I
felt as if the room was swirling and I felt my knees buckle,
next thing I knew, I was on the ground crying while laughing
uncontrollably.
What would
follow in the next year, and 12 surgeries later would be the
most profound transforming period of my life, followed even by
the murder of my husband which would come seven years later.
Within the next year I would undergo experiences that were
deemed miraculous on two separate occasions, and led me to my
first experience with what I later encountered as “Reiki”, the
healing power of loving touch. In the moments that followed, my
whole life would crumble before my eyes, truth would reveal
itself in extremely profound terms and I would learn the true
meaning or courage. Not the kind that comes from facing fear,
but the kind that gives us the fortitude to carry on the face of
complete devastation and loss of all hope. The kind of courage
that miracles are made out of.
An interesting thing, the
hospital that I randomly chose to take him to just so happen to
have the chief surgeon who only five years earlier had
discovered the cure/treatment for Hirshsprung’s disease. He was
the leading authority in the country for his condition. I had
unknowingly selected and placed my son into the best possible
hands I could have, all without even realizing what I was doing.
Clearly a case of pure intuition, the unknowing that silently
guides our actions, only to be realized in the aftermath and
seen for their profound implications. This experience brought a
whole new meaning to “Thanksgiving”. To this very day, is my
favorite holiday. J
