Exploring the Nature of Sacred Sexuality in Practical Terms.
Moving theory into practice as a powerful tool for creating intimate and
fulfilling relationships of a Sexual/ Romantic Nature.
Question:
What’s the most important thing for you in picking a partner for Tantric
Sex?
Answer: (Dr. Linda Gadbois) I don't see Tantra as a
mechanical function or procedure that is undertaken with a random
"partner" as an intellectual decision, or picking from what’s available.
To me Tantra is Sacred Sexuality and "Sacred" describes the
feeling-quality as an attitude that we bring to an idea as a means of
expression that creates a desired experience of it, while using it as a
means of communicating through the medium of love. It's more about "how"
we do it, and the reason we’re doing it. Same act, entirely different
experience.
For me personally, I only
equate sex with love, and I don't think in terms of "partner", but
rather as a "lover". I would never have sex with someone I didn’t love.
For me it's more about the experience of intimacy and affection born out
of deep feelings of love and trust as complete surrender and abandon
that allows for merging and blending into each other through heightened
states pleasure that creates the actual experience of being one. The
type of experience that forms a bond that creates a holistic sense of
sharing realities as "us" going through whatever experience there is,
instead of continuing to walk through life as separates that only unite
in the bedroom. To me sex as sensuality is an ongoing experience that is
engaged in at different levels and in different ways throughout the day
as a means of normal interaction. It’s a relationship, rather than an
activity. It's not an "act" per say, but a kind of affectionately erotic
dance that we subtly engage in that lingers softly within our Soul,
delighting us as it flux's and flows, teasing us with fleeting
possibilities longing to be born . . . . . :-)
Lovers birth love by becoming it. By
becoming the means through which it delightfully expresses into the
physical world as a new possibility that is known through the direct
experience of it . . . by being it.
Question: How does Sacred Sexuality as
Divine Union nurture spiritual growth? How do you benefit spiritually
from marriage?
Answer: by Dr. Linda Gadbois
When lovers become one, with a deep and
natural feeling of trust and innocence between them, where there’s no
defenses, inhibitions, fears, or moral judgments going on, rapport can
be naturally established and they can share fully in each others
experiences. When achieving a state of intimacy that inhabits the
deepest and most natural form of trust as bonding, we can witness each
others life, by listening to our stories and recapturing the experience
as accurately as possible in our own imagination which is almost the
same as having the experience ourselves. We get to practically double
the amount of meaningful experiences we have because we step into and
acquire the experiences from each other. This is especially true in
terms of highlights, thoughts and the debates they invoke, and the moral
lesson inherent within them that helps us to grow by being able to
define ourselves in relationship with the experiences themselves.
Further bonuses are
offered by the mere fact that it’s usually opposing viewpoints as man
and woman sharing experiences that emphasize different qualities and
perspectives other than our own. We have to use our imagination to
listen intently and step into their experience to see what it was like
for them, instead of challenging it, arguing with them or attempting to
somehow correct them or comfort them, and simply allow them to tell
their story about it while we witness it. This is the true form of
compassion that heals through understanding and sympathy. Because our Spiritual development comes
by way of life experiences, by acquiring more experience, we act to
directly facilitate each others spiritual growth. The ability to do this
however, takes skillful practice that will not only allow you to acquire
their experiences, but form natural intimacy at the same time that
creates a sense of deep bonding in the relationship itself which is
deeply gratifying for both people.
To witness another’s
life, is to gain rapport, become fully present with them, and as they
talk and tell you about the experience, you listen carefully and picture
it as clearly as you can in your imagination while taking on the same
perspective and the feeling emotional quality of it as the meaning it
had, while making it as life-like as possible. Imagine it, not from a
critical perspective of wanting or feeling the need to change the
telling, or correct and reinterpret it somehow, but as if you are
actually having it in the same manner that they did, looking at it the
same way and feeling the same way about it. In this you will literally
become of the same mind as the other and can recapture the experience as
an impression with striking accuracy. You not only acquire the
experience as a form of mental-emotional diversity, but gain an intimate
understanding of your lover at the same time. Not as you would have them
be, but as they actually are.
The act of witnessing as
forming union perceptually and emotionally with your lover, creates
rapport as energetic sympathy, which literally alters each persons
vibration by forming resonance. We become like each other in the realest
sense. The act of being able to share fully without judgment or
commentary allows healing of the same idea for both people. What tends
to cause problems in the ultimate sense is when we repress feeling
experiences because we are made wrong somehow, or can’t actually express
it because someone is reacting to it, or we’re afraid of how they will
react, so we edit it, or we feel embarrassed or ashamed somehow, so we
hold back and create an entirely private aspect our self that becomes
our shadow aspects. Instead of expressing, we maintain the feeling
emotion inside and it develops into a complex. We then hide things from
our partner not out of maliciousness or intentional deceit, but because
we are not given a safe space to share our feelings as they really are
without fear of retaliation somehow.
When we share openly and
step into each others experiences having them as one, it grows us as it
heals us in the most expediential way possible. Growth is greatly
accelerated for both people. This creates the type of environment that
will cause us to stretch, elevate and employ our best qualities born out
of our virtues. The act of witnessing by merging with and into one
another, allowing free and spontaneous expression as the most primary
form of compassion heals both people simultaneously of the same
feeling-emotional issue. This type of healing is miraculous in nature
because it heals at the level in which the issue was incurred,
preventing it from becoming an issue because it is never repressed to
begin with. This is the true meaning of prevention. To be able to
express ourselves fully in the presence of unconditional love has an
instant healing effect as well as a lingering euphoric contentment. Love
expands fully into itself while in a relaxed state. Trust and compassion
open us with a natural desire to joyfully expand into it, relax and
release.
So marriage in its
highest potential, connects us, grows and expands us, while
simultaneously healing us. And the best part is it does it through the
greatest form of pleasure there is. Love that’s demonstrated, made real
by doing it. It works in the most positive and beneficial way possible .
. . through personal and spiritual fulfillment that creates a deep
feeling of contentment as bliss. Our whole being is saturated with the
most beautiful of all experiences that exists in a natural state of
unity as holistic and breathtakingly erotic that merges into us, and
moves us at our very depths, changing us forever.
Question: KL - What if one is not sure
about the other side and afraid to proceed with the events unless
someone with special talent to guild? Perhaps for example; a person
doesn’t know how to fly a plane suddenly being forced to and I am sure
that particular untrained person is scared out of his or her wits.
Similarly its takes a trained person who is a knowledgeable spiritual
being who has gone through the passage way and had these experiences
before to guide others? Correct me if I am wrong, Sacred Sexuality is
it a connection between a man and a woman where both can achieve a
higher level of consciousness if they do it correctly? And what benefit
will we each gain from the practice, maybe bliss of happiness or perhaps
a supernatural power? Please explained and thank you.
Answer: Dr. Linda Gadbois
Interesting metaphor. :-) Yes, I agree with your idea of Sacred
Sexuality. Sacred usually indicates the quality that we use when
engaging in an activity that determines what type of experience we
create as a result. And yes, while we can use terms like "higher level
of consciousness", we would have to then ask . . . what does that mean?
In and of itself, it is an abstract term that means something different
to every one.
Being done "correctly" is correct (smiling)
yet even that is based on the personal preference of the people actually
engaging in it. What is correct and therefore meaningful for one person,
may not work well for another. So it's more about blending person styles
into an experience that works well for the couple doing it. Unlike
Tantra, which has a well-defined process attached to it, Sacred
Sexuality is more about redefining sexuality, by how we approach it. We
step into it as a means of creating a full, relaxed and beautiful
experience that is highly sensuous in nature, which emphasizes the
artistic quality of pleasuring each other. We make love-making an
art-form that we engage in with full concentration. The higher state,
often referred to as "bliss" is a full body arousal that saturates the
whole system with extremely pleasurable emotions as hormones released by
the endocrine system, which is stimulated by mood and what type of
thoughts we are having. The mind and body work in-sync.
The “correctness” is more of an artistic
quality of using your hands, finger tips, mouth, tongue, hair, different
parts of our body, sucking and nibbling . . . type of things with great
awareness and in a very specific way. You tune into your sensory
experience by engaging fully into it. You feel powerful through your
ability to pleasure your partner, while being pleasured yourself. You
also become very present in the experience, make-love while maintaining
allot of eye-contact which promotes the feeling of intimacy through
“soul-to-soul” connection and communication as feelings. You open
yourself, let down your guard, and allow yourself to become completely
vulnerable and surrender to the experience with complete abandon . . .
which is only achievable through absolute trust. The bonding that takes
place is multi-dimensional in the sense that it is profound and deep in
nature. It's "real" trust that expresses itself by giving itself fully
to another while not even considering the possibility that they could be
hurt or judged somehow.
The experience of sexual union, not
necessarily as penetration but as being fully consumed with erotic love,
allows us to have the experience of merging by loosing all sense of
ourselves as separate and apart. We literally can't distinguish our self
from our lover. This, while in a fully aroused state that’s not rushed,
but relished in, is the most pleasurable experience we can have. It’s so
beautiful that it actually serves to break you down. Not in a bad sense,
but by truly dissolving your inhibitions and the need to always hold
back, at least a little bit. This doesn't come by way of effort, but as
a spontaneous release or exaggerated sense of freedom that not only
"quits holding back" but rushes outward with an amazing feeling of
momentum and thrust.
It’s liberating because it is the ultimate
feeling of freedom. If we take this experience and see it as a metaphor
for union with God as the true expression of love that unites with
itself in the most euphoric state possible . . . well . . . what can I
possibly say beyond this?
But this is just a brief idea
of what it all means. Its the highest form of self-expression by losing
yourself completely in another while experiencing excruciating pleasure
that literally drives you out of your mind . . . and sets you racing
across the heavens in an explosive state of ecstatic bliss. An orgasm,
not only of the body, but of the emotions, thought as pure experience,
and spirit as blending back into the Beloved through the ultimate
expression of love. The deep longing in heart for something we can’t
quite pin-point, is the echoing aftermath of a broken-heart that we
experienced when being separated from our source and we had our first
actual experience of truly feeling alone and isolated. It’s the longing
for union by merging and melting back into something greater than
ourselves.
Did this explain it well enough? You see, we can only explain things to a
certain extent, because beyond that it starts dictating your experience,
which robs you of your own creativity. The ultimate idea is not one of
right or wrong, correct or incorrect, or a question of technique, but
more about learning how to express your erotic, sensuous nature is a
very loving and beautiful way. Becoming acutely aware of what you are
doing, how you are doing it, and the intimate response it is eliciting
through heightened awareness. Exploring areas that you get the best
response for more deeply, intimately and in a sexy, sensuous way based
on how your lover is responding to you. Your whole intention and
mind-set . . . is pleasure. Giving and receiving. Dissolving into
another through the medium of ultimate pleasure. :-)
Dr. Linda Gadbois
To submit a question for possible answer (questions are
selected based on their appropriateness) send to:
info@creativetransformations.biz
For Education, Teaching, Mentoring and
Instructing for Creative development in the area of relationships and
developing skill at expressing yourself sensuously and erotically
through artistic love-making, contact Dr. Linda directly at:
linda@creativetransformations.biz
